Noor Psychology Therapy · BABCP Accredited
Communicating Your Needs Guide
Especially written for Muslim and South Asian communities
This guide is especially written with Muslim and South Asian communities in mind — where family, community, and cultural expectations often intersect with personal needs in complex ways.
Understanding Communication Styles
| Style |
What it looks like |
| Passive | "It's fine, don't worry about me." Needs go unmet. Resentment builds. |
| Aggressive | "You always do this to me." Blaming, attacking, escalating. |
| Passive-Aggressive | "Fine." (It is not fine.) Indirect, sulking, withdrawing. |
| Assertive | "I feel... I need... I would like..." Clear, calm, respectful. |
Assertiveness is not selfishness. Expressing your needs honestly is a form of respect — for yourself and for the people you are communicating with.
The "I Statement" Formula
Instead of: "You make me feel invisible."
Try: "When [situation], I feel [emotion], because [reason]. What I need is [request]."
| Component |
Example |
| "When..." | "When plans are made without asking me..." |
| "I feel..." | "...I feel overlooked and unimportant..." |
| "Because..." | "...because it feels as though my input doesn't matter." |
| "What I need is..." | "...I'd like to be consulted before decisions are finalised." |
Practice: Write your own I Statement for a current situation
When... I feel... Because... What I need is...
Saying No — And Meaning It
For many of us, saying no feels dangerous. In reality, the inability to say no is one of the fastest routes to burnout, resentment, and relationship breakdown.
- —"I appreciate you thinking of me, but I am not able to take that on right now."
- —"I need to think about this. I will get back to you."
- —"I don't have the capacity for that at the moment."
- —"That doesn't work for me."
A "no" to something that depletes you is a "yes" to something that sustains you.
Setting Boundaries
Emotional
"I am happy to listen, but I need you to stop shouting at me before we continue."
Time
"I can speak for 20 minutes. After that I need to rest."
Physical
"I would prefer not to be hugged without asking me first."
Informational
"That is something I would like to keep private."
One boundary I would like to set — and the words I will use:
If you are finding it particularly difficult to assert your needs — working with a therapist can help. Book a free 20-minute consultation at www.noorpsychology.com
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